I be done trying to do nice things, since I obviously didn’t do them.

I just snuck into our bedroom to grab a Coke. I did absolutely everything I could not to make a sound, because I’m afraid that my wife will stab be with a fork in my sleep if I disturb any part of her television show.　

That awkward moment when your wife is talking non-stop about how cute another guy is.

Eh…sigh…lol

I haven’t seen my wife in over 24 hours, won’t see her for another 24 hours (at least), and I broke one of my molars.

Worst. Weekend. Ever.

DEARSWEETFUCKINGJESUS.

My band will be playing with Modern Day Escape, Dr. Acula, and From Atlantis on June 22nd.

Go here and buy yourself a fucking ticket and get wrecked.

Win.

Roses are red, violets are blue.


Sometimes I want to saw people’s heads off with a toothbrush.